A million times I said, A hundred times he heard.

He broke me with an embrace,

Doubting me and my self!

A million times I said,

A hundred times he heard.

I wanted him to listen,

He wanted to speak.

True love breeds no distrust,

I wanted him to know.

He said he knows it all

And gave me away with a shrug!

I snivelled, I trembled, I tried.

But the damage had been done,

By someone out of sight!

“Where did I go wrong?”

I tried to make sense of it all.

“I can effortlessly prove”

And then he killed me down.

A love that does not listen…?

My heart yelled aloud.

The voices in his head

Were stronger than anything around…

A love without trust makes no sense at all

He said it again and I heard,

And agreed with his sound…

I wanted him to see,

In the eyes that gave solace to him

But he chose to stay far.

So that he could not see!

‘This is it! It’s over…”

He blurted with strength and ease!

I was numb and drained,

It’s over, it’s over for him!

So what happens to everything…

That dwelled between us?

A love that is boundless, a love that is true…!

No, I don’t get to choose.

He says he’ll think of it!

Think of love?

Close your eyes and feel.

An island I live on now,

Surrounded by the dreams we had seen.

Where do I go from here?

How did he escape from here?

Numbness dwells with me.

I wait to see the void.

Never unheard, Seldom Unseen.

Stumble and fall,

Crazier than haul,

A lonely frog,

Hibernates in fall,

Worked up ego,

Smaller than all.

Sun on the horizon,

Frog refuses to rise!

Make some noise, someone has a voice?

A humble wish,

Yet no bliss,

Walk on path,

Hold and gasp!

The frog now leaps,

Through grass and weeds,

A million drops, a million sighs!

Under the sky,

Broody yet high,

Sleeps under the willow,

Ego said bye!

The frog woke up with fuzz and smog!

Mighty eyes,

Insane and sort!

Jumpy heart, wiser and awed!

Splendid and drab,

Vocal yet sad,

Hold and it slips!

But lingers on through the trip!

Tracing the sound of light,

Tracing memories lost back in time,

Never unheard, Seldom unseen,

Yet the hope.

Lonely and gone,

Tried under the pawn,

He looks at me with eyes that gawk!

I wonder.

He looks.

I look.

He gulps!

Lonely hope,

Dwindling paths,

The jaded sun and the holy wrath!

Eyes that seeks and ears the see -

Broken yet strong, unaided of sorts.

After the storm

*AFTER THE STORM*

3 weeks later and life still chose to walk on the broken road. Yes, the pain of the heart easily qualifies as worst that has ever been known to man-kind. Or so I thought.

Trying hard to get over him with the help of many anti-depressants, chocolates in every possible form, shape, size and colour, litres of vodka and gin, shopping, extra weight, songs and caffeine… I was still sick!

Yes, I tried to work… and I did work too! Surprisingly, sometimes it was great work and most of the times work ended up being washed away with tears. ‘Live with it now’ my mind whispered.

My wet eyelashes drew patterns on the lenses of my spectacles, using them as canvas. ‘Art in vain’ I told myself and tried hard to laugh. More patterns!

Hugging myself at nights… maybe one of them will feel like his… maybe one of them. But nothing will help! Nothing at all…!

And then, when one least expects it… comes the turns…

I saw him.

After a hard day of work, covering up my moist eyes in black shades I was on my way back home with a few colleagues. Feeling secured behind those breakable glasses, I got into the car.
‘California Dreamin’ on such a winter’s daaaaaaaay’… The radio was playing the character of Oracle. Gospel Truth, none the less!

Everyone had a week-end plan. I did too. Kill everyone who seemed to be in love!

Sigh. Only if it cured.

I tried to sink into the seat and craved for it to absorb me… deep within it.

My colleague suggested, ‘Yoo Hoo, anyone from some hottie…?’ She meant coffee.
‘I’m game…’ I whined.

The signal before the café and I was peeping out, observing the ‘others’ and trying to find someone from my side of the horizon. And then… right then… he drove away in his car.

Not behind black shades… there he was… going away again!

I didn’t know what breathing was right then and the only muscle that made its existence felt was my heart.

My neck sub-consciously made my head turn to keep him occupied in my sight as long as I could. If only it would turn 360 degrees…!

‘Someone you know…?’ my colleague inquired.

The glares were professionally hiding my emotions behind them as I allowed him to move away from my vision.

‘Just a sprain in my neck…’ I mumbled and made sure that I did not choke.

I craved to yell... But only if he could hear me...

The cracks in the dam were increasing and I needed to be alone.

‘Could you pull over…? I need to meet a friend…’

I took a taxi and allowed it to disappear in the city of blinding light as my tears were back to where they belonged.