The two of one

One heedless night,

Lovestruck, they stood.

So far away,

engulfed with shivers.

Borders to seek,

boulders to be kept.

The millstone of the world

never letting them near.

Studied eyes

and breathless wanderings.

The sore of the swell,

sinuous and pondering.

Alone in the swarm,

their souls - they met.

Wanting to tremble,

waiting to be swept.

How long to behold?

How much is to be seen?

Unknowing, they loved.

Not knowing, they lived.

The blur of the eye

for a lifetime to see.

So grim to speak,

ever widening and bleak.

The clasp of the lips

embossing the brazen skin.

The pill of sweat

kneaded the musk of skin.

Too far, too gone

with dreams that were born.

A lonely soldier

and the never ending war.

Reckless desires,

stumbling on pith.

Chosen surrender

and yet the bliss.

The never ending rotations

of endless nights.

With written promises

on the river, that flows.

A ghastly squall

groused beneath the earth.

Poor, wordless verdure

were rooted so firm.

Only if they could say,

only if they could hear.

All said and done.

All done and gone.

She and him (Inspired by Fyodor Dostoevsky's 'White Nights')

There he was,

forsaken and rapt.

No-one to see,

no-one to hear.

A world unseen

with words unsaid.

Quiver and trembling

his only guests.

By his bed,

the willow tree stood

veiling him away

by the rejected brook.

His angst and will -

the never ending scene.

The long haul

never dull, never gone.

There she was,

waiting for him.

So many words,

so many songs.

She wrote them all

with ink and blood.

The fervent yearning,

the directionless soul.

Clueless she sat,

by the river-side.

Not a word from him?

Not even a sigh?

The crease on the head

A tear was born.

The eternal lull -

waiting to be gone.

That dire night,

She saw a flame.

Her granny's locket

in the window, it chimed.

And then she knew,

it was a sign.

Cold, her hands

and feet, they stayed.

Didn't move an inch,

failed to sway.

Her fingers traced,

the molten wax

The over-whelming calm

of a starless sky.

Miles of darkness

No milestones to match.

Beneath his skin,

he felt the twitch.

Why didn't she come?

The shudder within.

The rain yelled, the brook

snarled and roared.

Who would hear?

He laughed to himself.

Drenched with distress,

submerged deep inside.

Killing the light,

without a sigh.

This is it,

this is the end.

He closed his eyes

and mumbled to himself.

By the window,

her endless wait.

Her dusty finger,

painting the pane.

She knew he'd come.

She'd seen the sign.

Pebbles on the road,

gleamed in the moonlight.

The hazy air

the moistened eye.

Between heartbeats

were missed breaths.

Stony traces

the void, they filled.

No stories to be told,

No humbling of the core.

Their tale -

untold, it was doomed.

Just footsteps and rustling,

no spectators, no remorse.

The crimson moon,

unharmed and virgin.

The earth too far,

blurry shadows to cast.

Memories, a lost key and the closed door

You’ll end up liking everything about the ‘one’.

Things that you never liked before, songs that you’d never hear otherwise, places that you’d never travelled before, words and ways you’d never spoken, clothes you’d never wanted to wear, food that you never thought you’ll ever eat...

Everything...

Everything about you will be about the ‘one’... till you lose yourself from top to bottom, never to be found again. Never wanting to be rescued from here. This is it. This is where you want to be. This is where you want to live. This is where you want to die. This.

Everything about you will slowly evaporate... your likings, your choices, your friends, your family, your routine... you will live for the ‘one’... and thank God, day and night, for this.

Your dialled call list will start and end with the ‘one’ and every call in between too.

Almost every message in your outbox will shriek the name of the ‘one’

You’ll feel lost without a reason when the ‘one’ is far away, you’ll cry and think life is hell, for no rhyme or song. And then unexpectedly, when you hear or see the ‘one’, you’ll be the happiest and have the biggest smile on your face, no matter how fucked your day has been!

You won’t judge yourself insane even when you’ll find yourself swinging around a tree, thinking about the ‘one’ before you eat your morsels, floating on the clouds and walking on water, lying down on your bed and feeling the ‘one’ holding you and caressing you, imagining the ‘one’ singing all the ‘songs’ for you and dedicating every verse and word to your existence.

When you’ll see two people together, holding hands, you’ll seal your eyes, say a prayer, bless them and then smile tenderly to yourself.

Flowers, breeze, sunlight, angels, hearts, pink, yellow, bright, butterflies, rainbows, fire-place, chocolates, smiles, happiness and lot of other things of these genre will define your reality.

You’ll find a song for you and the ‘one’... the wall-paper of your phone, lap-top and pc and everything possible thing will show the ‘two’ of you together... Your key-chain will have a lucky charm that reminds you of the ‘two’ of you...

You’ll take the journey, even if this is not where you thought you’ll go... you’ll walk miles and miles, under the rain and the sun... the smile will never leave your face.

At times, you’ll question yourself, why am I here? Where am I heading? Is this where I want to go?

And then, you’ll turn around and look at the path you’ve already walked on and you’ll see how far you’ve reached... and then you will smile, close your eyes and think about the ‘one’ and start to walk ahead.

Every bruise will make you smile, every thorn and every stone.

You’ll walk, and keeping walking.

And one day, abruptly, while walking down the street, you’ll find that the key is missing.

Memories, a lost key and the closed door is what you are left with.

Quickly, you’ll turn around and look for the ‘one’...

You’ll find a jaded piece of paper, no date on it though...

And on it, scribbled emotions saying, “The love got over...”

You’ll look for foot-prints... you’ll search for a sign... you’ll want to hear a reason...


Nothing.


You’ll scream, you’ll run, you’ll fall, and you will die.

The impressions of the key are fresh in your palms. Where did it go? When did it fall?

‘But true love never dies...’, you’d heard it somewhere.

Your friends will try their best; your family will be clueless about your struggles.

Blood, dark-circles, a hair-cut, lonely drives, sudden cravings, tears, entangled fingers, darkness, endless blank days, staring the clock and watching every second pass by, vodka, night out with friends, random sex with strangers would be the new you.

You’ll love the soreness. You’ll get pleasure from the tenderness. Especially the part when the skin trembles, as the knife touches the surface and slowly goes deep, deeper within you...

It’s a trip.

Drugs, of any kind, be it sleeping pills or LSD, will occupy your body, more than food.

You will laugh instead of smiling. Whine instead of crying. And you will love it.

People will scare you. Faith, trust, hope and love are abuses, you will say, loud and clear and will make sure that everyone hears it.

Cupid will be killed. And blood will be all over you.

Enjoy the bliss!

Man and kind

Heavy heart,

Frozen mind,

Fading path,

Unseen sight,

Entangled fingers,

Lonely soul,

Stabbed glasses into walls,

Each away from its own

Trembling roots,

The vacuum of earth

Gumption of self

And pride of worth!

No clinging,

No quotes!

In bound,

Out sourced

Living in,

A crazy pose!

Wiser miser

Pretty dough!

Halo jarred,

Stumble on core!

Deep eyes,

Wispy tongue

Slither here,

Slaughter there!

Fate twists,

Time falls!

Holding on

And passing by!

Ceaseless wonder,

Bright eyed vice!

Away from now,

Away somehow!

Fall behind and shine twofold!

Turning away to accepted end

Washed away regrets,

Clogged up veins.

Stroke of white

The celebration of black!

Shadow steals light,

The tremulous whole

Sooner or later,

Thy shall know,

One way street,

Runs both ways

The sound of silence,

Echoes through void

Unmeasured miles

Of a broken road

Shallow well,

Swollen hands

Arrow of soul,

The bend of shoulders.

Harness the calm,

The stage is set.

What more do you want?

What more do you have?

Drifter

Sunlight creeps,

A heart beat heard.

Water to the brim,

Touched and served.

Alone he wandered,

The trembling sky

Disguised and long lost.

Bird below the tree,

The empty cloud staged.

Bird aghast,

Cloud playing sane!

In shade, it glows.

Brightest light for cloud,

This is the world.

Bird, now, hates to fly.

Stained glass

Unhearing faith

Knotted memories,

Crying hope!

Mere humans,

Darkness through light

Speaking eyes and swaying ears.

Jaded eyes,

Unseen path

Glory and rant,

Death and rise!

Sole of a man - sigh of an arm

Endless race,

Reckless mind!

A divine plan for a passer-by!

End of street.

There's always a turn.

Or door,

Or window,

Or you,

With... you

Deep down,

Beyond darkness

Strange light, Flash!

End of the tunnel.

The journey begins...

Marker fades,

Inglorious love

Destruction of self - smile that spreads

Lonely world - full of self

The ruler ruled.

Books burnt, eyes spooned.

The groggy waist,

The modern thought.

Below the bellow,

Burn and wrath!

A faithless night,

The fire burns...

Wanting to ignite

Letting it dwell

The dead of the dark

His sighs are heard

The crossing rat

Bows in a pray

Sheets of skin

Folded and kept

In the arms of light

Voyeur and voyage,

Twisted in rapture!

End of the end,

The break of fate

He wanders alone

He wonders aloud

Stones, twigs and broken self

Spread across

And put to sale!

Price of none,

Put for all.

Beaded head

For an endless dream

A thought of own

Sealed with scarlet

The ship ashore

With sails in see

A grain of sand

Quenches for sea

Wordless mouth,

His eyes thus spoke

A sedated tale

Of kingdom lost

Blades of rain

Wept in anger

The hollow path

Unwound at his door

Peek within

To peek outside

Thawed brain, grilled meat

Moist tongue, swollen limbs

A greater good

A greater God!

After the storm

*AFTER THE STORM*

3 weeks later and life still chose to walk on the broken road. Yes, the pain of the heart easily qualifies as worst that has ever been known to man-kind. Or so I thought.

Trying hard to get over him with the help of many anti-depressants, chocolates in every possible form, shape, size and colour, litres of vodka and gin, shopping, extra weight, songs and caffeine… I was still sick!

Yes, I tried to work… and I did work too! Surprisingly, sometimes it was great work and most of the times work ended up being washed away with tears. ‘Live with it now’ my mind whispered.

My wet eyelashes drew patterns on the lenses of my spectacles, using them as canvas. ‘Art in vain’ I told myself and tried hard to laugh. More patterns!

Hugging myself at nights… maybe one of them will feel like his… maybe one of them. But nothing will help! Nothing at all…!

And then, when one least expects it… comes the turns…

I saw him.

After a hard day of work, covering up my moist eyes in black shades I was on my way back home with a few colleagues. Feeling secured behind those breakable glasses, I got into the car.
‘California Dreamin’ on such a winter’s daaaaaaaay’… The radio was playing the character of Oracle. Gospel Truth, none the less!

Everyone had a week-end plan. I did too. Kill everyone who seemed to be in love!

Sigh. Only if it cured.

I tried to sink into the seat and craved for it to absorb me… deep within it.

My colleague suggested, ‘Yoo Hoo, anyone from some hottie…?’ She meant coffee.
‘I’m game…’ I whined.

The signal before the café and I was peeping out, observing the ‘others’ and trying to find someone from my side of the horizon. And then… right then… he drove away in his car.

Not behind black shades… there he was… going away again!

I didn’t know what breathing was right then and the only muscle that made its existence felt was my heart.

My neck sub-consciously made my head turn to keep him occupied in my sight as long as I could. If only it would turn 360 degrees…!

‘Someone you know…?’ my colleague inquired.

The glares were professionally hiding my emotions behind them as I allowed him to move away from my vision.

‘Just a sprain in my neck…’ I mumbled and made sure that I did not choke.

I craved to yell... But only if he could hear me...

The cracks in the dam were increasing and I needed to be alone.

‘Could you pull over…? I need to meet a friend…’

I took a taxi and allowed it to disappear in the city of blinding light as my tears were back to where they belonged.

This Thing called Love...

Ok... i know this might sound weird or crazy or post-insanity stuff or whatever (BlahShit!!!) Lets call it "Compromise"... or even better, lets give it a phrase..." The Barter system"... but (Please! Please! PLEASE!!!) lets not abuse it by calling it as "Love"....!
"Love" - How often do we use this word in our daily lives and end up literally, physically, practically, well almost in everyway abusing, degrading, distorting, crapping, killing, raping, murdering the very meaning of it!... Without most of us even knowing the true meaning of "Love" We talk about it as if we know what love really is! How many of us really know the true meaning of this word?
According to Dante, he writes about Love in his master-piece 'The Divine Comedy', "The day that man allows true love to appear.. all things will fall into confusion and over-turn everything we believe to be Right and True"
Makes sense?
I asked my best friend today over a cup of coffee, "What does Love or a Relationship (now that he is "committed") mean to you?" and he smiled and said without even giving it a second thought, "Responsibiltiy.." "But do you think Love means Responsibility?", i asked him back and he looked at me with a weird, hard to define expression and said, "Well relationship and love are both different stages.. Let's not compare the two" "But don't you think even a Relationship is born from love... then why didnt you say... Love? You didnt even mention it as a by-product of a relationship.. Why Responsibility and why not Love??" I had got my answer. His silence answered my questions. And its not only bestie but many others whom i have known...
We tend to forget the true meaning of love... We loose the spirit of love somewhere in transition and translation of our needs and desire... and fail to achieve and know the pleasure... the joy... the true meaning of love..
What we know is... Desire!... Needs!... Wants!.. and we still shamelessly call it Love!
Love.. Love is Unconditional... It's like when you love someone so much that all that matters is the happiness of that someone, regardless of that someone being with or without you! That is love! But do we have the courage of seeing this someone we love into the arms of other.. Happy.... Satisfied and in "Love"... Do we have that courage? Do we have the power to Love?
Well We all do infact we are born to do so, but Are we ready to Love someone truly? Im not talking about Compromises that people very effortlessly term as a "Relationship" which is conducted on the principles of Barter...!
Im talking about Love... Unconditional Love... Love that is capable of loving without being loved!
ARE WE READY??